LOUISVILLE, Ky. – I don’t know how I haven’t mentioned it yet, but this week the media center has bombarded us with the new Rory McIlroy Omega commercial featuring the song "Hall of Fame," written and recorded by Irish alternative rockers The Script. If you haven’t seen it, you can watch it here. I would advise against it. It really wasn’t that bad a song, on Tuesday. Today, after hearing it for the 3,764th time, it’s the song I imagine is on repeat in hell. As hard as I've tried, I can't not hear it.
10:30 a.m. ET – Alarm clock doesn’t go off. My eyes open. I want to sing "It's a Beautiful Morning," but instead the only song my brain can recall at the moment is ... you know.
11:15 – Don't make it down in time to take the media shuttle to Valhalla, but who cares, I’m not missing anything. I take the next one about a half hour later. Our bus driver informs us that he was an extra in the 1996 classic film “A Time to Kill” featuring Matthew McConaughey, Sandra Bullock and Samuel L. Jackson Just thought I’d pass along. Do with that information as you wish.
12:15 p.m. ET – I open the door to the media center, and you guessed it, the sound of evil that is the Omega commercial starts to emanate out of the open space in front of me. I close the door and pace around like a crazy person. That should buy me a good five minutes or so before I have to hear it again.
12:37 – In case you were wondering, here’s what goes on before the leaders tee off on a major championship Saturday.
12: 53 …
1:15 – Decide I’m tired of typing ellipses. Head to the merchandise tent. The holidays are right around the corner, and Jesus’ birthday just wouldn’t be the same without a shot glass from Valhalla.
1:36 – Pick up a sweatshirt. See the price is $75. Slowly place it down and step away from the sweatshirt.
1:37 – Pick up a T-shirt. $35. Repeat.
1:39 – Find a pair of socks. $9. Still ridiculous, but at least you get two of them. PGA Championship socks for the whole family it is.
2:04 – Make it back to the media center in time to resume doing nothing. Overhear two women ogling Adam Scott on my way. He is apparently playing the hole I’m walking past. I didn’t break the news to them, but there’s a very good chance it’s not a mutual sentiment between the two parties. Hope he lets 'em down easy.
3:05 – Head out to follow the final pairing of McIlroy and Jason Day. The heat is intense. I can feel it in the form of sweat running down my brow and I can hear it in the form of crying children and an older, bickering couple. Nothing brings families together quite like Moving Day at the final major championship of the year. They should hire me to write their slogan next year. This is Argument.
3:15 – Day hits his drive way, way left on No. 2. Guy next to me quips, “He ain’t gonna beat Rory playing like that.” Someone, get this man a microphone and a TV camera, stat.
3:18 – Day takes his shoes off. He would later say he was "too lazy" to put them back on. It's a good thing he's good at golf because i'm pretty sure being too lazy to put shoes on is the first step to living on the street.
4:05 – Spot Rory’s dad in the crowd. He poses for pictures a little differently than most people. Instead of standing still and facing the camera, he runs in the opposite direction. To each his own I guess.
4:12 – Day sails another drive left on No. 6. The Mobile Device Policy Enforcement team is the first on the scene. “No pictures, please! Out of respect for the players!”
4:17 – Day hits his shot. Someone screams out, “bloomin’ onion!” Just so I have this clear, yelling out terrible appetizers from chain restaurants at players is respectful, but taking their picture is not? Got it.
5:22 – Overhear a couple of fans concocting a plan to get hit by a golf ball in hopes that they can score a signed glove out of the deal. Do a quick eBay search on signed golf gloves. A McIlroy glove sold in June for $32. Totally worth it.
5:34 – Fan shouts out to David Feherty telling him what a great job he’s doing. Fan giggles about it. He’s got a story to tell his future grandkids. Those poor, poor grandkids.
6:01 – Come across this bachelor party (below). They’ve been boozing. I didn’t ask or anything, but what other explanation would one have for wearing a Harris English T-shirt jersey? Not like he's ever going to be in the hall of fame. Damn it. I'm going to go beat my head against a wall. Can't wait for Sunday.
Think these guys are ready for the Ryder Cup? pic.twitter.com/5M8bD7oSss— Jason Sobel (@JasonSobelGC) August 9, 2014