Vegas Baby

By Michael CollinsOctober 23, 2008, 4:00 pm
Well friends, sorry about that but last week was a bit hectic for me. It WAS Vegas baby, and Wednesday I left the golf course early to go to the Phillies/Dodgers Game 5 to watch my Phillies make it to the World Series for the first time in 15 years. So I was a little lazy and didnt write.
Im writing now after watching the Phillies win Game 1 and Im hoping they dont sweep because Ive got tickets to game 5 in Philly on Monday... so there may not be a column again next week! Anyway, last week in Vegas two days struck me as great and both incidents happened outside of golf, kind of.
First was Saturday morning on the driving range. Friday night Justin Timberlake held a concert on the strip and a ton of players and caddies went (my attorney has advised me not to admit whether or not I was at the event). The Jonas Brothers, Boyz II Men, Rhianna, 50 Cent, and a surprise guest... Lionel Richie, were just a few of the people on stage. So Saturday on the driving range theres Butch Harmon talking to a couple of his boys about the concert. Yeah, Butch Harmon was jammin to 50 Cent and Justin Timberlake at a Vegas concert. But it gets better. Heres the exchange with Freddie Couples.
Mikey come here. What is 50 saying? Im serious man, can you tell me any of the lyrics he says? Im trying not to laugh, but Fred was dead serious. Im about to answer when Nick Watney chimes in.
Go shawty, its ya birtday, we gonna party like its your birtday. We gonna sip Bacardi like its your birtday, you know cause we dont give... (I spell it like its sung/rapped)
What?! says Fred, and now Butch looks interested too.
Listen Fred, it goes like this, I say translating, Go shorty...
Now as I start, Fred is repeating and actually keeping the beat. Now I have seen some funny things in my time but I have never seen anything like Butch Harmon, Nick Watney, and I laughing that hard with hands on knees and tears rolling down cheeks as Fred Couples raps a 50 Cent song on the driving range 20 minutes before he tees off, then again when I see him on the course later that day doing his best rapper walk down a fairway as he totally botched the lyrics we had worked only two hours earlier.
The on Sunday on the 18th hole, Marc Turnesa taps in for bogey and the win. What most people didnt catch was his caddie walking to the left side of the green taking off his watch, calling his boss to make sure he saw him, and throwing his watch in the lake! Now after the press conference I caught up with him and asked, why the heck did you throw your watch in the lake?
Marc told me when we won our first tour event hed give me his Rolex, so I wanted him to see me chucking my watch (which is at the bottom of the lake and worth over $100 if any of yall feeling like getting wet) in the water so he knew I hadnt forgotten. He smiled at me and said Do it! so I knew he remembered too.

Michael Collins has been a stand-up comedian for 15 years and has more than seven years experience as a professional caddie. He currently covers the PGA Tour as a correspondent with XM Satellite Radio and takes his turn on The Turn Mondays on Golf Channel. He also has his own Web site,
Email your thoughts to Michael Collins
Related Links:
  • Michael Collins Archive
  • Rose (62) sets blistering pace in Indonesia

    By Associated PressDecember 14, 2017, 3:06 pm

    JAKARTA, Indonesia – Justin Rose shot a 10-under 62 Thursday to take a two-stroke lead after the first round of the Indonesian Masters.

    Rose, starting on the back nine at Royale Jakarta Golf Club, had five birdies to go out in 31, then birdied four of five holes midway through his final nine and another birdie on his last hole in the $750,000 tournament.

    Full-field scores from the Indonesian Masters

    Gunn Charoenkul (64) was in second place and Kim Giwhan and Phachara Khongwatmai (both 65) were tied for third.

    Brandt Snedeker shot 72. Ranked 51st in the world, the American is aiming for a strong finish in Jakarta to move inside the top 50 by the end of the year and ensure a spot in next year's Masters.

    Getty Images

    LaCava: Woods wouldn't talk after H.O.R.S.E. match

    By Will GrayDecember 14, 2017, 2:27 pm

    The competitive streak within Tiger Woods knows no bounds - even on the basketball court, according to caddie Joe LaCava.

    LaCava has been on Woods' bag since 2011, and he recently shared a story on "Inside the Ropes" on Sirius/XM PGA Tour Radio about a clash between the two men over a seemingly friendly game of H.O.R.S.E. Actually, it turned into nine straight games (and nine straight wins) for LaCava, who exploited a weakness in Woods' on-court strategy while leaning on a mid-length jumper of his own:

    "The thing with him was if I missed a shot, which I missed plenty of shots, but if I missed the shot he'd go back down to the 3 (point line) because he liked to make the 3," LaCava said. "But it's harder obviously to make a 3, and I'd go right back to the baseline 12-footer, and he couldn't make it."

    It's a short list of people who have beaten Woods nine times in any athletic pursuit, let alone in a row. But for LaCava, the fallout from his afternoon of on-court dominance was less than subtle.

    "He did not talk to me the rest of the day," LaCava explained. "I didn't even get the old text, 'Dinner is ready,' because I stay across at the beach house. I didn't even get that text that night. I had to get take-out. He didn't announce he wasn't (talking), he just did it. I'm telling you, nine games in a row. Like I said, he's so competitive, even at something like that."

    Newsmaker of the Year: No. 3, Tiger Woods

    By Golf Channel DigitalDecember 14, 2017, 12:45 pm

    After returning to competition at the Hero World Challenge in December 2016, Woods started the new year with an ambitious slate of tournament starts as he eyed his first full season since 2013. But he made it only three rounds, looking rusty en route to a missed cut at Torrey Pines before withdrawing abruptly in Dubai.

    The “spasms” that led to that withdrawal turned out to be something far more serious, as Woods underwent his fourth and most invasive back surgery in April, a lumbar fusion. It brought with it an extensive rehabilitation, and at the Presidents Cup in September Woods humored the prospect that he might never again play competitive golf.

    At Liberty National he also faced some scrutiny for an off-course incident from months prior. In May he was arrested for suspicion of DUI, an incident that produced a startling roadside video of an intoxicated Woods struggling to follow instructions from the arresting officer after driving erratically.

    Full list of 2017 Newsmakers of the Year

    While he was not drinking at the time, Woods was found to have a mix of several prescription medications in his system, including multiple painkillers. He checked himself into a private drug treatment program in July to address his dependency issues, and in October he pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of reckless driving.

    But the incident was barely a memory when Woods again made a return to competition in the Bahamas at the tournament he hosts. This time around he exceeded nearly every expectation, twice shooting 4-under 68 while tying for ninth among the 18-man field. Having re-tooled his swing following fusion surgery, Woods appeared relaxed, happy and healthy while briefly taking the lead during the tournament’s second round.

    What lies ahead for Woods in 2018 remains uncertain, as the stop-and-start nature of this past season serves as a cautionary tale. But after a harrowing arrest and another serious surgery, he seems once again focused on his game, intent on chasing down a new crop of elite talent, some of whom are barely more than half his age.

    Woods' initial comeback short-lived, leads to another back surgery

    Article: Woods undergoes "successful" fourth back surgery

    Article: Woods (back spasm) withdraws from Dubai

    Article: Players disappointed Woods withdraws from Dubai

    Really, again: Tiger undergoes fourth back surgery

    Begay on Tiger: Future is 'extremely uncertain'

    Woods arrested for DUI, enters diversion program after getting "professional help"

    Article: Woods arrested for DUI in May

    Article: Police say Woods had 5 drugs in system when arrested

    Article: DUI affidavit states Tiger asleep in parked car

    Dashcam video released of Tiger's DUI arrest

    Begay, Rolfing: Tiger's arrest needs to be wakeup call

    Photos: Tiger Woods' car during DUI arrest

    Tiger Woods at his 2017 DUI court hearing.

    Photos: Tiger Woods in court for DUI hearing

    Article: Tiger gets 'professional help' for prescription meds

    Tiger Woods at his 2017 DUI court hearing.

    Article: Woods pleads in court guilty to reckless driving

    Woods goes from unsure of his pro golf future to resuming full golf activities

    Article: Doctor clears Woods for full golf activity six months after back surgery

    Article: Tiger doesn't know what future holds

    Article: Woods back to making full swings

    Woods admits he might never return to competition

    Making progress: Breaking down Tiger's driver swing

    Woods returns to competition for first time since February at Hero World Challenge

    Article: Hero comeback a success for healthy Woods

    Article: Woods discusses his back: 'No issues at all, none'

    Tiger Tracker: Woods finished T-9 in return to competition

    Chamblee: 'I was wrong' about some of my Woods skepticism

    Tiger, if you were hurting, would you tell us? 'Yeah, I'd tell you'

    Woods out and about in 2017

    Article: Video, images of Tiger's round with Trump

    Article: Woods posts photo as 'Mac Daddy Santa'

    Article: Tiger at U.S. Open sitting in Nadal's box

    Article: Shirtless Tiger holds up a massive lobster

    Getty Images

    Newsmakers of the Year: Top 10 in 2017

    By Golf Channel DigitalDecember 14, 2017, 12:30 pm