World Series Whirlwind

By Michael CollinsOctober 30, 2008, 4:00 pm
Pat Perez and Sean OHair are texting me as our team, the Philadelphia Phillies, have just won the World Series. I'm smiling and crying at the same time, but not for the reasons you might think.
 
Let me go back a few days. Its Monday night and Im at the World Series. I left Phoenix at 10:20 a.m. and landed in Philadelphia at 6:01 pm. My best friend Jose picked me up at the airport, we found parking at the stadium and were in our seats at 7:45 p.m. The game starts at 8:30 p.m. ' everything is timing out perfectly.
 
Last week during the Frys.com Open, Pat Perez is trying to decide whether hes going to the game. We are having some serious discussions about what he should do while hes playing the tournament, and apparently it doesnt affect his play that much because hes inside the top 10 while all this is going on.
 
Hes good friends with Phillies third baseman Pat Burrell, and Pats got two tickets for him if he can get to Game 5; hes also got a special place in the stadium during the regular season where he gets to watch the games (side note ' Pat has driven his black Ferrari F430 to the course this week. I dont know whether to hug him or kick him in the family jewels.)
 
See, Pat has to play in the Ginn this week in Florida and for him to go to the game from Phoenix would be tough. So we (like I really had anything to do with his decision) decide that if the Phils win on Saturday and Sunday hed go. Dont want to miss the Phillies win the second championship in the teams 126-year history do ya?
 
On Friday afternoon I got a ride in Bubba Watsons new lime green Lamborghini. And yes it has a matching interior, but unlike what most of you think... it looks gooooood! When we took it out around the clubhouse and gunned it, Shane Bertsch said he heard it on the eighth tee box, which is a looong way away from where Bubba and I
were. Actually Shane turned to his little brother Jesse, who caddies for him, and said, Motorcycle? Jesse laughed and shook his head, No dude, bigger.
 
The irony of the moment was when I later saw Shane and Jesse, they asked me where Bubba went in the lime green Lambo. In-N-Out Burger, I say without batting an eye, because if there is one guy you could picture taking a Lamborghini to an 'In and Out' it would be Bubba. OK, maybe Boo would do it, too. They are from the same town!
 
Funny thing is, Shane says, Mmmmm, 'In-N-Out' sounds good. Which one did he go to? And I proceed to give him directions to the closest one to the course. Free catered fancy lunch in the clubhouse after a tough day on the course? Nope, double-double with fries and a chocolate shake. These are my kind of millionaires.
 
Now its Sunday night, the Phils have won both Game 3 and 4 so they have a chance to win the whole dang thing on Monday night. I call Jose and give him my flight info and tell him to keep his fingers crossed.
 
A car picks me up at 6:45 a.m. to go to the airport. Anthony from Bulgaria is my driver. Great guy with some funny stories about how cheap everything used to be back in his country (if you went in to a club with a U.S. $50, the club was yours for the night, and everyone inside included!), but not any more. Of course, day late/dollar short wont help your tip though big man if we dont pull this off. We get to the airport by 7:40 but Im not staying. I run inside to the USAirways counter and try to check in.
 
Yes, Im Michael Collins checking in for the 10:20 flight.
 
Youre early Mr. Collins, I can get you on the 9:10.
 
Uh, no thank you. I wont make it on time.
 
Sir the gate is just upstairs. Now shes looking annoyed.
 
I explain my evil plan. She laughs but not a nice laugh, more like, good luck with that. Then she turns and starts helping another lady at the counter while holding my boarding passes and baggage claim checks.
 
Are you trying to be funny maam?
 
Oh Im sorry sir, here are your boarding passes and claim checks.
 
If I didnt think youd kick me off this plane Id make a smart aleck remark to you lady!
 
Back out front and into the car. Go Anthony!!! To the sound studio.
 
I had booked an hour at a local sound studio to do my voice over work on The Turn, but an hour is not a whole lot of time to do it so wed have to be perfect.
 
Make it to the studio by 8:10 and get set up, but theres a problem with the connection. Something doesnt sound right and the clock is ticking... 8:30... 8:35... OK lets go!! By the grace of the Almighty, I get it done by 9:05 and make it back to the airport and through security as they are calling my flight to board.
 
I got Jose and my tickets ' section 136, row 1, seats 7 and 8. Third base side on the field right behind the tarp! And yes, I paid for them. ALOT!
 
Now coming from Phoenix where it was 90 degrees with 9% humidity, I wasnt completely prepared for the rain (I was smart enough to pack warm clothes). But Jose had brought clear trash bags that we had to poke a hole in to see and breathe. Didnt matter though, it was the Series with my best friend.
 
Then everything went to hell. Game gets postponed. I stay and rebook a flight out for Wednesday; until Tuesday at 11 a.m. when I find out from an inside source that theyre going to wait till Wednesday to finish. My producer at XM Radio tells me if I am thinking about staying, I need to call the BIG boss and talk it over with him. We all know what that means. So yours truly is on a flight Tuesday afternoon back to Florida.
 
So here I sit writing this to all of you, smiling because my team won the World Series, crying because I wasn't there to see the end in person.
 

Michael Collins has been a stand-up comedian for 15 years and has more than seven years experience as a professional caddie. He currently covers the PGA Tour as a correspondent with XM Satellite Radio and takes his turn on The Turn Mondays on Golf Channel. He also has his own Web site, www.funnycaddy.com
 
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