I Dream of Golfing Bicycles

By Michael FechterOctober 10, 2008, 4:00 pm
Martin Luther King had a dream. Dr. King dreamed that, 'my 4 little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.'
 
A noble dream. A dream worth standing and marching for, a dream in which Dr. King sadly died.
 
I also have a dream. I dream of a bicycle that can carry your golf clubs while you peddle the course.
 
Perhaps a less noble dream.
 
You see, my 'job' as the Ambassador of Fun is to live as joyously as possible, coming up with unique ways to benefit golf and the growth of the game, while also doing what I can to help charity of many varieties. The charity that I personally oversee deals with the dilemmas of worldwide orphans. And I am always looking for ways to be of financial and critical benefit to orphans.
 
Well, how does a golfing bicycle fit into the plight of worldwide orphans, you may ask?
 
Allow this explanation:
 
Months ago, it hit me that many people do not golf because it is so time consuming. Many of us have second and third jobs, just to keep up with rising gas prices. Others of us have had to eliminate our private jets, just to keep the captain and deck hands of our yachts employed. It is tough all over.
 
So, in an attempt to get more people out on the course and off the course in a reasonable time, the 'natural' idea occurred to me that I should develop a bicycle that will pull your golf clubs behind you. Sort of like those baby/child nests that people often pull behind bicycles. I figured if these contraptions are safe enough for my 2-year-old Mitchell, the wunderkind offspring, they are damn sure safe enough for a set of Mizuno's.
 
Of course, there are problems when attempting to create a metal fabricated device involving larges doses of ingenuity and expertise, especially when I am nothing more than a kind spirited humorist and orphan worker. So, I did what I always do when confronted with dilemma: I consulted a large American conglomeration whose mission statement is to 'make money and plenty of it.'
 
You see, I didn't want to make loads of money off this genius idea. I just wanted to see it get into the marketplace. I wanted to see people have fun with it, as I am the Ambassador of Fun. And if possible, I wanted to see orphans share in a small percentage of any royalty profits that came from it. I didn't want money. It is how I am wired.
 
So, I contacted a conglomerate that handles several sporting lines involving both golf and the protection of children. It seemed a perfect fit.
 
While I should not say the names of the products they make, for legal reasons, I can tell you that IF you had a baby that was a jogger, or if you were a bag that wanted to be carried by a boy, these might be two of the products that they made.
 
After brief conversations with the C.E.O.'s of both companies and the C.F.O. of the parent company of the conglomeration, I was sent to a person in product development and marketing to whom I revealed this idea of genius.
 
I never heard from her again.
 
Using the deduction that was gained from an 'A' in a Business 101 course at a minor State college, I took this to mean that they were not interested in my idea or my suggestion that my royalty go not to me but to orphan charities.
 
As I am never one to be discouraged from a bad idea that has no market potential, I immediately contacted a 'Master Bike Builder' - Robert Soto. And now, over the past 6 months, we have developed a 3-wheeled, 3-speed bike that can safely transport even a staff golf bag the size of Tiger's Buick across the hundreds of acres that comprise a golf course. Allow us to take a bow. Noble Prizes can be sent directly to my home. I don't care for Stockholm in winter.
 
So, 'What are the advantages of biking a golf course...dumbass?', you may ask.
 
1 - Speed... you can easily play 18 holes using one of our bikes in less than two hours (As long as you are the first groups off in the morning).
 
2 - Exercise... you actually leave the course having lost weight and gained strength (Although we did add a cargo area behind the bike to carry a cooler, if you want to bike while enjoying a beverage or 12. Or if you should catch a 14-pound bass on No. 13 and need to bring it home).
 
3 - Fun... it feels great biking a course top to bottom. A 'Golfcycle' combines regular biking with elements of off-road biking and the whole thing is a leisurely pleasure.
 
So, if you love to bike, love to golf or just want to try something new and different, I hope our 'Golfcycle' is your ticket to more rounds of golf (Please, there is no need to throw rose petals or send notes of appreciation).
 
The golf courses that I represent should have models by the spring of 2009. And we're happy to share it with any reputable distributor as long as some profitability goes in perpetuity to orphans. Sorry, it is how I'm wired.
 
But it's a lovely way to go through life.
 

Email your thoughts to Michael Fechter
 
Editor's note: Michael Fechter, orphan worker and humorist, has the best job in golf: he's paid to be the Ambassador of Fun for golf courses across America. His 'job' is to make the courses he represents across America more interesting, unique and fun. Enjoy his humorous series on getting back into the game as he struggles to get his game into the shape it was nearly 30 years ago when he won his only personal junior 'major,' the Al Esposito, on America's easiest muni with rounds of 71-71-75.
 
Related Links:
  • The Gratitude Project
  • Greenway Golf
  • Getty Images

    Fleetwood rallies to defend Abu Dhabi title

    By Will GrayJanuary 21, 2018, 12:48 pm

    The 2018 European Tour season has begun just as the 2017 one ended: with Tommy Fleetwood's name atop the standings.

    Facing the most difficult conditions of the week, Fleetwood charged down the stretch to shoot a 7-under 65 in the final round of the Abu Dhabi HSBC Championship, good enough for a two-shot win and a successful title defense.

    Abu Dhabi was the start of Fleetwood's resurgence a year ago, the first of two European Tour victories en route to the season-long Race to Dubai title. This time around the Englishman started the final round two shots off the lead but rallied with six birdies over his final nine holes to reclaim the trophy.

    Fleetwood was five shots behind countryman Ross Fisher when he made the turn, but he birdied the par-5 10th and then added four birdies in a five-hole stretch from Nos. 12-16. The decisive shot came on the final hole, when his pitch from the left rough nestled within a few feet of the hole for a closing birdie.

    Fleetwood's 22-under total left him two shots ahead of Fisher and four shots clear of Rory McIlroy and Matthew Fitzpatrick. After entering the week ranked No. 18, Fleetwood is expected to move to at least No. 12 in the world when the new rankings are published.

    Getty Images

    Garcia cruises to five-shot win in Singapore

    By Associated PressJanuary 21, 2018, 12:10 pm

    SINGAPORE - Sergio Garcia played 27 holes on the last day without dropping a shot to win the Singapore Open by five strokes Sunday in an ominous display of his newfound self-belief as he prepares to defend his Masters title.

    Still brimming with confidence after claiming his first major title at Augusta National last year, Garcia started his new season with a runaway victory at the Sentosa Golf Club, finishing at 14-under 270.

    Returning to the course just after dawn to complete his third round after play was suspended on Saturday because of lightning strikes, Garcia finished his last nine holes in 4 under for a round of 66 to take a one-shot lead into the final round.

    With organizers desperate to avert the constant threat of more bad weather and finish the tournament on time, Garcia promptly returned to the first tee shortly after and fired a flawless 3-under 68, cruising to victory with 10 straight pars as his rivals floundered in the stifling humidity.

    ''It may have looked easy, but it wasn't easy. You still have to hit a lot of good shots out there,'' Garcia said. ''It's always great to start with a win, to do it here at this golf course against a good field in Asia on conditions that weren't easy. Hopefully I can ride on this momentum.''

    Garcia's closest rivals at the end were Japan's Satoshi Kodaira (71) and South African Shaun Norris (70). Both birdied the last hole to share second spot but neither was ever close enough on the last day to challenge the leader.


    Full-field scores from the Singapore Open


    ''I could not reach Sergio. I was thinking, 12 or 13 under for the win, but he went beyond that,'' Kodaira said.

    Jazz Janewattananond (71) and his fellow Thai Danthai Bonnma (73) finished equal fourth at 8 under, earning themselves a spot in this year's British Open, while American Sean Crocker, who was given an invitation to the event after turning pro late last year, also won a place at Carnoustie by finishing in a tie for sixth.

    Garcia made just three bogeys in 72 holes and his victory provided the 38-year-old with the 33rd title of his professional career and his sixth on the Asian Tour.

    He has also won three titles in the last 12 months, including the Masters, and his game looks to be in better shape now than it was a year ago.

    He credits the Singapore Open as having played a part in toughening him up for Augusta National because of the steamy conditions and the testing stop-start nature of the tournament, which is regularly stopped because of inclement weather.

    Although he finished tied for 11th in Singapore a year ago, Garcia won the Dubai Desert Classic the next week and was in peak form when he won the Masters two months later.

    "I'm extremely happy with how the week went. It was a tough day and a tough week, with the stopping and going. Fortunately, the weather held on. Still, it was hard to play 27 holes under this heat and I can't wait to get a cold shower,'' Garcia said. ''I came with some good confidence and wishing that I will play well. I hit the ball solid the whole week and didn't miss many shots.''

    Getty Images

    Kelly beats Monty with two-shot swing on final hole

    By Associated PressJanuary 21, 2018, 3:21 am

    KAILUA-KONA, Hawaii – Jerry Kelly made an 18-foot birdie putt on the final hole, Colin Montgomerie missed a 6-footer for par and Kelly turned a one-shot deficit into a victory Saturday in the Mitsubishi Electric Championship, the season opener on the PGA Tour Champions.

    After Kelly drove it well right into lava rocks on the par-4 16th, leading to bogey and giving Montgomerie the lead, Montgomerie made a mistake with his tee shot on the last, finding a fairway bunker. Montgomerie's approach went over the green and after Kelly converted his birdie, the 54-year-old Scot jammed his par putt well past the hole.


    Full-field scores from the Mitsubishi Electric Championship


    It was the third win on the over-50 tour for the 51-year-old Kelly, who finished tied for 14th last week at the PGA Tour's Sony Open in Honolulu. That gave him confidence as he hopped over to the Big Island for his tournament debut at Hualalai. The limited-field event includes winners from last season, past champions of the event, major champions and Hall of Famers.

    Kelly closed with a 6-under 66 for a three-day total of 18-under 198. Montgomerie shot 69. David Toms shot 67 and finished two shots back, and Miguel Angel Jimenez was another stroke behind after a 66.

    Bernhard Langer, defending the first of his seven 2017 titles, closed with a 70 to finish at 10 under.

    Getty Images

    Rahm manages frustration, two back at CareerBuilder

    By Randall MellJanuary 21, 2018, 1:21 am

    Jon Rahm managed the winds and his frustrations Saturday at the CareerBuilder Challenge to give himself a chance to win his fourth worldwide title in the last year.

    Rahm’s 2-under-par 70 on the PGA West Stadium Course left him two shots off the lead going into the final round.

    “I wasn’t really dealing with the wind that much,” Rahm said of his frustrations. “I was dealing with not being as fluid as I was the last two days.”


    Full-field scores from the Career Builder Challenge

    CareerBuilder Challenge: Articles, photos and videos


    The world’s No. 3 ranked player opened with a 62 at La Quinta Country Club on Thursday and followed it up with a 67 on Friday at PGA West. He made six birdies and four bogeys on the Stadium Course on Saturday.

    “The first day, everything was outstanding,” Rahm said. “Yesterday, my driver was a little shaky but my irons shots were perfect. Today, my driver was shaky and my irons shots were shaky. On a course like this, it’s punishing, but luckily on the holes where I found the fairway I was able to make birdies.”

    Rahm is projected to move to No. 2 in the world rankings with a finish of sixth or better on Sunday.