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Golfers Anonymous: Pilot Episode (12:31)

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Tell us what you think about Golfers Anonymous. Email us at ProgramQA@golfchannel.com.

TRANSCRIPTS

-[Music Playing] -And so it's come to this. Golf 'til you drop....

-[Music Playing] -And so it's come to this. Golf 'til you drop. Golfers Anonymous itself is a tragic reminder that anyone of us could one day succumb to the dangerous addiction we've to know as golf. -So, how did these chaps let things get so out of control? -Uh-huh. -Yeah. -TJ, are you up? -Sssh. Ssssh, sssh, ssssh. Go back to sleep Bernice. It's still early. -Remember TJ: You're meeting my parents today. No golf. -Of course my precious. -And thus the first telling sign, a desperate man leaving a beautiful woman alone in his bed and sneaking off in a pathetic attempt to lower his handicap. -TJ, come back here. You promised no golf today! -I'll be right back honey. Oops. Only playing 18 this morning! -TJ! -Oh! A voice recorder. -Oh, it's raining. No golf today. -No. -Well, you just have to go to work for a change. Now, pick up your briefcase and get your butt to the office before someone else takes your job. -Yes dear. Huh? She didn't?! -When a wife must go to these lengths to ensure that her husband doesn't not stray from his professional responsibilities, it's indeed an indication that something amiss. -Come along Charlie, we are going golfing. -Lloyd, this must stop! -Move along Jason, I need time for an expresso before teeing off. -Sorry Mr. P. Just trying not to scratch your clubs. -Forget his stupid clubs. Don't scratch my car! -No worries Mrs. P. There you go Mr. P. Plenty a room. -Drop me at the clubhouse Prescott. I have a facial then a mani/pedi and massage. -Sounds exhausting. -It is, but I have to keep myself looking nice for you. -Good morning Mr. [unk], may I help you? -Yes. There is a problem with the gate. -Actually, the problem is with your membership. The board has voted to revoke it. -Revoke it? -Correct. It seems there may have been too many discrepancies with regards to your game. -Excuse me? -He means they're tossing you out for cheating Mr. P. -Tossed out? Wait! What about me?! I'm booked for a facial! -Oh, you're still welcome to enter Mrs. [unk]. but Mr. [unk] must remain outside. You two! Out of the car! -there must be some mistake. I never cheated golf. I mean, not really. -I'll talk to the president, but if you humiliated me in front of my cosmetician, I will never forgive you! -Oh, how the mighty have fallen. A few too many mooligans, far too much creative ball movement, and poor adding skills can land a man in the most desperate of places. -Not a problem. Wife will have it all straightened out by lunch. Damned inconvenient mind you, but I'll just play somewhere else today. -I guess you could play over there. -Sinking Sand. Well, since we're already here, how bad could it be? -You know, an addiction has become a real battleground when a lad fetches a tent to ensure himself a first tee time of the day. -Good morning Sinking Sands! -Sometimes, desperate actions call for desperate measures. -That wasn't me. -My bad. -Good morning Ranger Helga. -You're here quite early today, Charles. -You know me Ranger Helga. Anything for golf. -Don't you mean anything for lunch? Charles, your addiction to golf is sick! You need rehabilitation. Wake up! -Helga's SNM services? -[unk] -Golfers Anonymous. -You need help. -Have a pleasant day Ranger Helga. Drive safely. Still warm. -Are you kidding me? -Good. Your clubs are in heat. Go water them. -[unk] system must be turned off. -Do yourself a favor and put that car out of its misery. -Come along Charlie, I've got some nice 3 in 1 oil for you. -What is this place? -It ain't that bad Mr. P. -I will tell you this, Jason. I am not being paired up with those 2 losers. Where is the start? -Here he is. -Quiet please. Has anyone seen a wee dog? -A little brown one? -Aye. -With spots? -That's the one. -He's right here. -Oh, there you are Specks. -[unk] it are you? -Alright gentleman, what have we got this fine [unk] -Looks like a foursome to me. -Actually, Jason is just my caddy. -You're a foursome with Charlie here. Quiet Specks! -That wasn't me. -Okay gents, lets get the move on. It's 6:30. I will burn in daylight. -My name's Charles, but my friends call me Charlie. -Okay Charles. TJ. -Yeah, I'm Lloyd. -Prescott [unk], III. Gentleman, care to make this a bit more interesting. Skin game, $10 a hole [unk]. -Is betting legal here? -You could probably sacrifice a baby goat on this course and no one will say anything. -As long as you cleaned up afterwards. -Fine, fine, tick-tock, tick-tock, let's get going. -$10 it is then. I'll take the tee. Jason, my tour burner with the offset please. Shouldn't be a problem, right Jason? -Don't worry, sir. I got a beat on her. -That sucked. Alright, stand back ladies. I'll show you how a man gets it done. -You might wanna hit it professional. -You can do better pig pen. -I'll try. -Yeah! I've been practicing that shot. -Just as I thought. -What the hell are you doing? -You don't expect me to hit without knowing what [unk] do you? -Listen Floyd, hit the golf ball or you be checking the [unk] at the bottom of the lake. -No need to get so excited. [unk]. I think that proves the effectiveness of the modern approach, don't you? -Found your ball Mr. P! -Never mind, Jason. I have it right here. -Ha! -Well done Mr. P. I must have hit a stomp or something. -So, I guess that's 6 for you, right Mr. P? I mean 5, right? Woah! Nice bar boss. -Gentlemen! Attention! You have visitors. -My girlfriend, Bernice? -It's my boss and my wife. She's both actually. I work for her company. -It's my mom. -That's your mom? -Sorry Charles. This isn't easy for me. -Gentlemen, these three desperate ladies have come to me and requested my assistance. You muscled boy, you fondle your golf clubs in bed completely ignoring the needs of this beautiful woman. You are an addict. [unk] I might add. And you dorky man, you have failed both your wife and your boss. This game [unk]. And Charles, Charles, your mother feels that her son is wasting his potential spending all of his time counting dimples on his golf balls. I don't agree with her, but whatever. Gentlemen, we cannot force you to enroll, but this all-consuming addiction of yours if untreated will end tragically. Registration is tomorrow morning 6 a.m. sharp at the 19th hole aptly named Golfers Anonymous. -An intervention? Harsh. -Hello? Joan, it's me. Did you clear everything up? -Not exactly, but the president did say that if you can find a threesome out another club to pair up with and have them sign in a bonus scorecard, the board will reconsider. A threesome at another club? What? Excuse me? Chip. -Hello? Hello?! Let's move along Jason. Move along. -What can I get you boys? -As strong as you can. -Could you make that two please? -Beer for me. -We're being pressured to enroll in Golfers Anonymous. -[unk] we all got an addiction. -Well, well, well. Helga finally has some [unk]. Golfers Anonymous: Golf 'til you drop. She swears it will work. -Golf 'til you drop?! -That's right. Forced to golf 24/7 until your palms are bleeding. Man, sounds nasty to me. -Golf 'til you drop? -[unk] -Are you kidding me? -Boys, nice pairing up with you today. Couldn't help overhear. Count me in as your fourth if you do enroll. -Love to add you. -Absolutely. -Yeah. We'll do. -Anyone up for an emergency [unk] -And there you have 4 lives destined to enroll in Golfers Anonymous, forced to golf 'til they drop. Too hard? Too lenient? We'll just have to wait and see.
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Tags:

beautiful woman
golf ball
pig pen
modern approach
pathetic attempt
desperate measures
golf clubs

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