Having a Ball Out Here

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Welcome to third-round coverage of the Great Big Sponsor Invitational. Im Tim Smoothvoice with my partner, Jim Analyst. Lets pick up the action here at 18, where Mike Pro has 176 yards for his second into this par four.
 
Tim, he missed his drive a bit and got only 320 yards, so hes not surrounded by divots here at least.
 
Right, Jim. And of course, hes playing that new feel-accuracy-greenside-soft-n-tender ball, so he had to sacrifice a few yards off the tee.
 
What, you mean he gave up on that feel-accuracy-distance-stopping-power-zingy ball?
 
Sure did, Jim. Hes finished the last genuflection in his elaborate pre-shot routine. Lets see how he carves this one. Nine iron from 176.
 
[Thwack]
 
Jim, hes eased that one within four feet. Looks like hell have to put up with putting first here.
 
Tough break, Tim. Must have pushed it.
 
Jim, he may need to consider an accuracy-feel-workable-four-piece-variable ball instead of what hes been using.
 
Equipment changes are tough midyear, Tim, but you may be right.
 
Over to 16 and Sam Britishguy.
 
Thank you, James. Over hill and dale must travel this long birdie putt by Joseph Pro. But with his new firm cover-highly puttable-solid core-mind-reading ball, it should be only a moderate challengeand indeed, hes hung it on the lip. Well be back at the end of the waiting period. Back to 18. Jim?
 
Thanks, Sam. As we wait for Mike Pro to plumb-bob his four-footer for the fifteenth time, were here with David Pill of Swooshy, whose golf balls have been very popular on tour lately. David, the two-piece balls seem to have captured a lot of players imaginations out there. Whats the technical reason behind it?
 
Wound balls are dead, Jim. Morte. Finito.
 
[Long pause]
 
Thanks, David. Back to the action. Lets head to 14 and Derek Funnyguy.
 
Jim, where I come from, you dont tee up anything that says Lady on it. But Tom Pro is preparing to do just that. Hes got that new not-so-mushy-distance-but-feels-like-a-marshmallow-inside-40-yards ball. [Thwack] Whoa! He may be inside 40 yards already! To 18.
 
Tim, were there this many flavors of golf ball when you played the tour?
 
No way, Jim. We were too busy worrying about how to catch a covered wagon to the next stop to worry about urethane or Surlyn, let alone liquid centers or windings.
 
Guess it still goes where you hit it, Tim.
 
Sure does, Jim.
 
Tim, do you think recreational golfers have the slightest idea about whether they get any real, sustainable performance bump from all these new balls?
 
Not a chance, Jim. But think what I could have done with a special-order jelly-filled two-piece soft-cover long-distance click-and-feel mental management ball.
 
Better calm down, Tim.
 
Righty-ho, Jim.
 
To 15.