The US Open vs the World Cup


Spending as much time as I do waiting in airports, I get to overhear some fascinating conversations. Sit down and let me draw you a room-temperature ale as we review a recent colloquy.
Seems two sports fans on separate layovers came together at a table in an airport bar, and the discussion came around to this months big sporting events. Lets call one, an English gentleman decked out in the jacket, tee shirt and cap of his countrys soccer (oops! sorryfootball) team, World Cup Fan. The other, a New Yorker dressed in Ashworth pants and a golf shirt bearing his club crest, well call Golf Fan.
Heres how it went:
WORLD CUP FAN: I dont see what yer takin on about. Its just another golf tournament.
GOLF FAN: After youre done chewing the head on your beer, bite your tongue. Its our national championship. Its one of four annual major tournaments we use to separate the good from the great.
WCF: Well, the football to-do we ave goin on now in Korear and Japan is the world championship of the most popular game on the planet.
GF: Yeah, once every four years. Takes that long to clear out evidence of doping.
WCF: Eyyy, be fair, guv. Were not Argentina.
GF: Alright, alright. But one thing golf doesnt have is hooliganism. We dont have crowds of fans ' oops, sorry, supporters ' running through the streets after the games making scars and mayhem.
WCF: Roight. Your Phoenix Open fans are exemplary.
GF: Now its time for you to be fair. Theyre the exception, not the rule.
WCF: Speakin o rules, guv, whats with your blue-blazer blokes? Cant they manage to come together on equipment?
GF: A momentary distraction. At the U.S. Open, the focus is inside the ropes. All eyes are on the golf. Besides, we could settle our equipment differences in nothing flat if all we had to worry about was an inflatable ball that just gets kicked around.
WCF: Are you implying our game lacks excitement, mate?
GF: Well, you score points, what, once every three weeks?
WCF: Impatient Americans, with your home runs and short porches and all. Football has beauty and strategy to it, much more than just scoring.
GF: Well, golf is clearly the most beautiful game. And it has more strategy than tripping a running Argentinean.
WCF: Maybe so. But from what I hear about that bugger of a golf course your ladsll be playin, there wont be much scoring there either. Unless bogeys count.
GF: Unfortunately, they do. And some of them are your lads, too. How about Golf Digests campaign on behalf of Colin Montgomerie? Theyve passed out thousands of Be Nice to Monty badges.
WCF: Yes, how is it that your people have to be reminded to have manners?
GF: Hm. Seems to me I got beers thrown at my neck by Americans and Britons at Brookline in 1999.
WCF: Equal opportunity, eh? Well, in any event, when its all over, I know one thing.
GF: Whats that?
WCF: When its all over, football will still be the most popular sport in the world, and golf will have about the same amount of avid players as it did five years agoor less.
GF: [sigh] Guess its my turn to buy.