He Said/She Said: Assistant captain controversy?

• By Bailey Mosier , Golf Guy
• Nov 3, 2011 1:00 AM ET

With Michael Jordan bowing out of his assistant captain role for the Presidents Cup in Australia, the Golf Guy and "Birdie" Bailey Mosier go outside the box to come up with choices for the U.S. assistant captain role.

By GOLF GUY

David Feherty: Oh my goodness, this is a ‘no-brainer.’ A ‘layup.’ A ‘sure thing’ in my book. Let me count the ways: First, Feherty is a newly-minted American citizen who has not been shy about his love for all this great country means to him personally. Second, he can play. Maybe not as well as Keegan Bradley or John Cook, but hey, he certainly can play better than Air Jordan. Lastly, Mr. Feherty would bring a welcomed comic relief to the team room (no offense, Jay Haas). Not sure of his pingpong skills, but I’m pretty sure his breakdown of the Phil vs. Tiger pingpong match would be just as entertaining as the showdown itself.

Dr. Phil: Speaking of Tiger and Phil, perhaps only the great Dr. Phil could finally ‘bring down these walls!’ between the two mega-stars. Just imagine the team room, all quiet on the eve of the competition, as Captain Freddie introduces Dr. Phil: smattering of applause as Dr. Phil steps up. Then, out of nowhere, Dr. Phil shuns the spotlight and stuns the teams as he introduces instead, Oprah Winfrey. The Great Harpo then does the smartest move in Presidents Cup or Ryder Cup history – she promises the players (secret) appearance fees after all. The team room goes nuts and the United States wins 34-0. Greg Norman is left to wonder why cute baby kangaroos for each team member ultimately amounted to nothing.

By 'BIRDIE' BAILEY MOSIER

Ken Whisenhunt: Since Jordan had to step down because of the NBA lockout, I'm going to look to another league – and another man – who was also recently wrapped up in lockout lockdown.

The Arizona Cardinals coach was born in Augusta, Ga.; has played Augusta National; carries a scratch handicap when it's the offseason; has teed it up with Arnold Palmer and other Tour pros on multiple occasions and he even qualified for the U.S. Mid-Amateur in 1994.

Besides having a stacked golf résumé, Whisenhunt knows how to coach and how to motivate his players. His Cardinals lost to the Steelers in the 2009 Super Bowl, but he led them to football's pinnacle event in only his second season coaching Arizona. But since the NFL lockout has been resolved – and thank goodness it has – he may be a little busy come late November.

Simon Cowell: This is a hypothetical situation, so please indulge me as I choose someone who's technically not American. Well, not even technically. Simply not.

He knows how to be a team player – working alongside Paula and Randy counts as teamwork, right? – and he would make sure to keep the U.S. guys in line. He'd tell it like it is and if nothing else, his hypercritical commentary could lend itself to some very colorful catch phrases in golf.

He'd be the perfect third to balance the other two judges, er, captains' coaching styles: Fred Couples (AKA the Randy Jackson approach), Jay Haas (AKA the Paula Abdul approach) and Simon Cowell.