Hear the Beard

• By Rex Hoggard
• May 14, 2011 3:41 PM ET

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla. – Hours after Lucas Glover outdueled Jonathan Byrd last week at Quail Hollow, a creative type with far too much free time launched a “Lucas Glover’s beard” page on “facebook.”

In honor of his man being two strokes off the lead at The Players Championship, “Shag Bag” decided to join the fun.

Lucas Glover’s Beard . . .

. . . is tired of going to Bass Pro Shops. How many jerk baits does one man need?

. . . thinks G-Lover itches.

. . . thinks hitting fairways is for senior citizens and doesn’t understand strokes gained putting.

. . . thinks Lucas should hit more fades. Or any fades.

. . . wants 10 percent and a hat deal, if I only had a head.

. . . has two words for Tiger Woods – facial hair.

. . . thinks Brian Wilson's beard is a wanna be.

. . . thinks Sabbo is a head case.

. . . is a Redsox fan. The Yankees suck.

. . . thinks caddie Don Cooper is a hoot.

. . . thinks laying up is for soul patches.

. . . can't believe the U.S. Golf Association hasn't scheduled the U.S. Open to return to Bethpage. That place is soooo pure.

. . . thinks there is nothing wrong with TPC Sawgrass’s 17th hole that a bulldozer can't fix.

. . . hates slow play.

. . . thinks the Wells Fargo Championship is the “fifth major,” but The Players is right there.

. . . wants to be paired with Bubba Watson because that guy is a freak.

. . . is worried Grecian Formula is on the Tour’s banned substances list.

. . . hates razors.

. . . thinks Frank Nobilo shaves too much.