'Celebrity Witch Hunt' would be an awesome reality show. Of course, maybe this isn't a witch hunt. Maybe there is reason to investigate. Unfortuantely for Woods, it's not the golf media who is going to be digging through his closet; it's outlets like TMZ.
John Daly, playing in the Australian Open, first says what happened to Woods is no one’s business. The following day he backpedals, saying Woods should come clean about the crash details.
There’s a guy at CVS who sits in the back of the parking lot and talks to a shopping cart. I’d just as soon get domestic advice from him as from Daly.
As first reported on GolfChannel and GolfChannel.com, Woods announces that he will not compete in his own Chevron World Challenge. He says doctors have advised him not to travel to California for the tournament that benefits his Tiger Woods Foundation.
Andrea Bocelli saw this one coming. If Woods isn’t talking to the police, then he’s definitely not addressing the media. But don’t hide behind a white coat. If you could win the U.S. Open on one leg, you could play a charity event – one that benefits your charity – with a few cuts and bruises. Just say now is the time for family, not golf – everybody gets that.
A lawyer for the neighbors who phoned in the 911 call says Woods’ injuries were consistent with a car accident and not domestic violence.
Is there anyone in this soap opera who hasn't lawyer-ed up? If anyone is offended by my commentary, please contact my attorney, Mr. Lionel Hutz.
Florida Highway Patrol, as first reported by GolfChannel.com, cites Woods with careless driving, which carries a fine up to $164 and a dock of four points on his license. They say they will not pursue criminal charges, that there was insufficient evidence for a subpoena to seek medical records relating to the crash, and that their investigation is over.
So Tiger’s “Nightmare on Deacon Court” comes to an end. Or does it? Don’t all big money-makers have sequels? Especially the horror flicks. This is a cash cow for the tabloids. They aren’t going to let this thing die. Woods is dealing with people who have the soul of a Kraken.
Woods releases another statement on his Web site apologizing for his “transgressions” and says he let his family down. The statement comes in the wake of a recorded voice mail released by alleged Woods mistress Jamie Grubbs in which a voice implores a woman to take her name off her cell phone because his wife might be calling her.
Woods' statement was much more admonishment than contrition. It was two paragraphs mea culpa, three paragraphs you-a culpa. It's obvious that Woods is trying to contain this wildfire. He just doesn't realize that it has already spread beyond his control.
While Woods’ corporate sponsors offer their support, Jesper Parnevik, the man who introduced Elin [his former nanny] to Tiger, says he wishes he had never done so. “He lost all my respect,” Parnevik said.
“You don't care about anything except you. You just want to persuade people that you love 'em so much that they ought to love you back. Only you want love on your own terms. Something to be played your way, according to your rules.” – Jedediah Leland.
A lawyer for Rachel Uchitel, who had previously denied a relationship with Woods, cancels a scheduled news conference. It was rumored that Uchitel was going to admit to the affair.
Gloria Allred canceling a press conference for “unforeseen circumstances?” Did Uchitel get paid off [as Allred’s daughter claims]? Did she keep her silence to protect Woods and any other people involved with him [as Uchitel claims]? I could sooner buy back time as to buy any nobility in this saga.
It is reported that Tiger and Elin have entered “intense martial counseling.” Meanwhile, experts and specialists are chiming in across every medium offering their opinions on how Woods has handled the situation, what it means to his reputation, his future earnings, his quest to win 19 majors, his legacy, etc., etc., etc.
How about Elin? Sam? Charlie? The pain, the humiliation, the intrusion – the fact that Elin can never again trust anyone inside Tiger’s secretive inner circle. A sinful man such as myself will not cast stones on Tiger, but I’m not overly concerned about him. Still, everyone needs prayer.
So what else is there: Just an apparent email, from Woods' buddy and business partner Byron Bell, sent to Uchitel with flight plans to Australia; a purported prenuptial alteration that would significantly enhance Elin’s net worth; multiple mockings on 'SNL'; a possible cover up involving a magazine feature Woods did; at least four more possible mistresses. Those are just the things that have surfaced in a wasteland too murky to tell fact from fiction. What’s next? John Waters couldn't begin to write a script. How did we get here? That one is easy to answer.
“There's only one person in the world who decides what I'm going to do, and that's me.” – Charles Foster Kane.