Im going to ask for a few things, and Im going to try
and do it in as congenial a manner as possible. I know weve been on the outs lately, but I think we both know that really has little to do with me. After all, Ive been a pretty good boy and Ive havent gotten a thing from you in about 20 years ' 20 damn years, Kringle!!
Sorry. Sorry. I dont mean to yell.
My therapist said it would be beneficial for me to work out our problems. That it would ease my mind and calm my soul.
Anyway, I dont know what I can really do on my end (obviously just being good isnt good enough), but Im willing to give this a shot.
So heres what Im going to do: Im not going to ask for anything tangible this year. Instead, Im just going to present you with my hopes for the upcoming year. Nothing serious; Ill share those with the real Big Guy. Ill just focus on something simple ' golf.
Heres my list. Its in no particular order. I know not to expect too much from you since youre soooo busy working one whole day a year, so Ill just take what I can get. For one, how about letting Phil Mickelson grab a lead on the back nine of a major ' lets say ... the U.S. Open. Id really like to see how that plays out. In fact, I take back what I said above ' I want this most of all; I really, really want you to make this happen.
For that matter, why not let Sergio Garcia do the same. Any major would be fine. He says hes got what it takes; Im not yet sold. That would be his chance to silence his doubters. Or, it could be like watching a fawn trying to walk for the first time ' on ice.
Let Annika Sorenstam play to her ability. She looked out of sorts last year and even a little bored. Plus, I want to see just how good Lorena Ochoa is. I think shes the real deal and nothing will prove that more than beating an inspired and focused Sorenstam.
Dont let Karrie Webb fall into another funk. But do let Paula Creamer get out of hers. And let Michelle Wies team do a better job of directing her.
If you're in a funk-busting mood, give Ernie Els a look before he loses his mind. I must say, though: I did enjoy watching him throw his driver last week. He nearly brained his caddie, but there's nothing quite as captivating as raw emotion.
Dont let the Americans win the Presidents Cup and then start believing that theyve finally figured out how to win as a team (like last time).
Let Tiger win the Masters. That will give him a chance to go for another Tiger Slam at the U.S. Open and keep alive the possibilities of a seasonal Grand Slam. Golf sometimes has all the drama of a Senate filibuster. Like him or not, nobody stirs up more interest and intrigue than Tiger.
Sticking with drama: Let John Daly take control of his life. Seriously, no joke here. Hes a good guy, but he needs to take ownership of his problems instead of vice versa.
Please dont let me die of a Nick Faldo overdose. Hes going to be on TV more often than a Medicus infomercial. Hes entertaining. I like him. But there was a time in college when all I could afford was canned tuna and I ate it for two weeks straight and didnt eat it again for nearly five years. Dont let Nick Faldo turn into tuna fish.
And, I guess I should ask that The Golf Channel does a good job in its coverage in 2007. I dont want to have to look for another job myself. I assume you have no room for a 61 elf who abhors cold weather and has the toy-making skills of Joe Cocker.
I could go on and on, but Ill leave it at that. I dont think that this is too much to ask; not for a man who can make reindeer fly and, in one night, deliver toys to good boys and girls all over the world ' most of them anyway.
After all, its not like Im asking you to turn Retief Goosen into Lee Trevino or anything.
So these are my hopes for 2007. Please dont let me down again.
Email your thoughts to Mercer Baggs