Vegas Baby


Well friends, sorry about that but last week was a bit hectic for me. It WAS Vegas baby, and Wednesday I left the golf course early to go to the Phillies/Dodgers Game 5 to watch my Phillies make it to the World Series for the first time in 15 years. So I was a little lazy and didnt write.
Im writing now after watching the Phillies win Game 1 and Im hoping they dont sweep because Ive got tickets to game 5 in Philly on Monday... so there may not be a column again next week! Anyway, last week in Vegas two days struck me as great and both incidents happened outside of golf, kind of.
First was Saturday morning on the driving range. Friday night Justin Timberlake held a concert on the strip and a ton of players and caddies went (my attorney has advised me not to admit whether or not I was at the event). The Jonas Brothers, Boyz II Men, Rhianna, 50 Cent, and a surprise guest... Lionel Richie, were just a few of the people on stage. So Saturday on the driving range theres Butch Harmon talking to a couple of his boys about the concert. Yeah, Butch Harmon was jammin to 50 Cent and Justin Timberlake at a Vegas concert. But it gets better. Heres the exchange with Freddie Couples.
Mikey come here. What is 50 saying? Im serious man, can you tell me any of the lyrics he says? Im trying not to laugh, but Fred was dead serious. Im about to answer when Nick Watney chimes in.
Go shawty, its ya birtday, we gonna party like its your birtday. We gonna sip Bacardi like its your birtday, you know cause we dont give... (I spell it like its sung/rapped)
What?! says Fred, and now Butch looks interested too.
Listen Fred, it goes like this, I say translating, Go shorty...
Now as I start, Fred is repeating and actually keeping the beat. Now I have seen some funny things in my time but I have never seen anything like Butch Harmon, Nick Watney, and I laughing that hard with hands on knees and tears rolling down cheeks as Fred Couples raps a 50 Cent song on the driving range 20 minutes before he tees off, then again when I see him on the course later that day doing his best rapper walk down a fairway as he totally botched the lyrics we had worked only two hours earlier.
The on Sunday on the 18th hole, Marc Turnesa taps in for bogey and the win. What most people didnt catch was his caddie walking to the left side of the green taking off his watch, calling his boss to make sure he saw him, and throwing his watch in the lake! Now after the press conference I caught up with him and asked, why the heck did you throw your watch in the lake?
Marc told me when we won our first tour event hed give me his Rolex, so I wanted him to see me chucking my watch (which is at the bottom of the lake and worth over $100 if any of yall feeling like getting wet) in the water so he knew I hadnt forgotten. He smiled at me and said Do it! so I knew he remembered too.

Michael Collins has been a stand-up comedian for 15 years and has more than seven years experience as a professional caddie. He currently covers the PGA Tour as a correspondent with XM Satellite Radio and takes his turn on The Turn Mondays on Golf Channel. He also has his own Web site,
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