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You Are John Daly

PGA ChampionshipTULSA, Okla. -- You are John Daly and heres how you prepare for the 89th PGA Championship:
You arrive Tuesday. You register. You play a practice round Wednesday on the golf course at a nearby Cherokee Indian casino. You get your first look at Southern Hills Thursday morning. And you shoot 67 which makes you the leader in the clubhouse.
You are John Daly and heres how you battle the searing heat of Tulsa where temperatures have been pushing triple digits every day:
I didnt drink one bit of water, you say after your round. I had Diet Cokes, Diet Pepsis.
You are John Daly and youve withdrawn (for a variety of reasons) from 10 of your last 63 events prompting the Boston Globe to suggest you change your nickname from JD to WD:
My shoulder pops in and out, you say. It was sore the last four or five holes.
You are John Daly, the 1991 PGA champion, but you rank 173rd on the FedExCup point standings:
If I didnt think I could win any more, I wouldnt be playing, you say. But I really cant think about winning right now because my confidence isnt quite that high.
You are John Daly, the Paul Bunyan of golf, and your trials and tribulations have been more public than the Congressional Record. One of your wives has spent time in jail. Your history is littered with drinking bouts, gambling sprees and trashed hotel rooms yet you remain one of the two or three most popular players, among the fans, in the game:
I Just keep going, you say when asked how you manage to deal with the soap opera that is your life. Just gotta keep on plugging and keep going.
You are John Daly and somebody wants you to comment on whether you think your life would drive a sports psychologist insane:
To be a sports psychologist you gotta be insane to listen to all our (expletive deleted) weve got to talk about, you say. And after the laughter in the pressroom dies down, you add, I dont know. I mean, I think I just answered that pretty damn good there.
You are John Daly and youre asked why you played well Thursday in a round that included 14 greens hit in regulation, four birdies and one bogey:
I have no idea, you say.
You are John Daly, still one of the longest drivers in golf at the unripe old age of 41, and a man wants to know how many drivers you hit Thursday at Southern Hills, a course with limited opportunities for power players:
I honestly cant remember, you say. I only had three heat strokes out there.
You are John Daly and somebody else wants to know if you think you will be able to withstand the high temperatures forecast for all four days in Tulsa:
I grew up around this area (Arkansas), you say. Im used to kind of little valleys where you dont get a lot of'you dont get any air and theres a lot of humidity and its tough to breathe. I light up a cigarette and drink some caffeine and it actually works.
You are John Daly. You are overweight. You are out of shape. And you are four shots ahead of Tiger Woods, one of the best-conditioned athletes in the world, after 18 holes:
There was odds with all the caddies and players this week who would fall first, me or my caddie, you say. So we made it. We made 18 holes.
You are John Daly and you are a hero once again, to all the assembled columnists. There is a phrase among the wags called room service. And it is used in the sportswriting vernacular to describe a story that is hand-delivered:
You are John Daly and you are room service Thursday.
I did something I havent done in a long time in this heat, you say. I went behind the hole, reading putts.bent over looking at some putts, stuff I havent done.
You are John Daly and you are playing on sponsors exemptions this year because you lost your card. You world ranking has plummeted to No. 423.
I think everybody is a little different, you say.
You are right about that part.
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