No Football No Problem

By Michael CollinsFebruary 13, 2008, 5:00 pm
Editor's note: Michael Collins has been a stand-up comedian for 15 years and has more than seven years experience as a professional caddie. He currently covers the PGA TOUR as a correspondent with XM Satellite Radio and takes his turn on The Turn Mondays on GOLF CHANNEL.
 
Well boys and girls, now that football season is over golf is all we've got! March Madness doesn't start for another month, and no one really cares about college basketball until tournament time. That means right now is when those of you in the northern and middle parts of the country (ALL of Canada is included) are turning on the TV and HATING on the PGA TOUR.
 
Last week Pebble Beach had its best weather in years (thank goodness I'm an idiot and took the week off because I was sure it was gonna be nasty). This week the boys are in Los Angeles and just in time for the writers strike post party! Thank God, too, I was having a hard time NOT being funny (I heard that snicker ya smart a--es!).
 
So I've gotten a lot of great emails from all of you wanting me to write about various subjects. Most requested of all is wanting to know what it's like for the middle of the pack players out here on TOUR as far as travel and expenses go. How glamorous is it? What do the regular guys do off the course? Etc., etc.
 
Here goes my best shot at it:
 
Now, there's a bunch of different types of guys out on TOUR, married with kids, married, engaged, girlfriend, and single.
 
Let s start with the married with children fellas. These guys have it the hardest, especially if the kid(s) are under school age because mommy doesn't want to stay home with the kids while daddy is out partying. Even though daddy's not really out partying, that's how mommy feels being stuck at home with a couple of screaming kids, and when daddy calls and says he's just getting ready to sit down at a restaurant with a couple of players and caddies.
 
The problem is, for the guy who is just inside that top 125 number, you don't wanna spend the money on flying the wife and kids around because it gets REALLY expensive - it can cost over $150K depending on how many kids you ve got (and it's a NIGHTMARE for a woman to fly alone with kids). And you just can't go blowing through the endorsement money which won't come close to covering all the expenses for the year. You might not be back next year so you gotta squirrel that cash dude!
 
So what do you do? Well, some guys buy a bus/RV. It's relatively inexpensive - $300k for a nice one (yes, I ve been in a couple of the $2 million ones) that the family can live out of, and if you have to go back to the Nationwide Tour the next year you've got it covered. There are a bunch of guys that do that and park next to each other so the wives and kids can play together while daddy's at work . Wives love it 'cause they don't have to find laundry mats, kid friendly restaurants, and the other guys you're parking next too and hanging out with are going through the exact same thing that you are.
 
Upside: your house is with you, home cooked meals, no packing and unpacking every week. Downside: No 'you' time; miss a cut and there's no pack up and start fresh somewhere else; you may NEVER EVER complain about a bad meal; and what, go out with the boys - I dare you to try!
 
Married guys with no kids have it a little better ($150K-450K expenses per year). Wife travels with them to some of the tournaments; DON'T bring 'em to the events where you have an ex-girlfriend. You can go out to dinner, parties, movies and always have a date.
 
Upside: Your soulmate is by your side every step of the way. Downside: Some soulmates are A LOT more expensive than others. Depending on the crew your wife runs with out on TOUR, she could start spending more than you're making; and when you're not particularly playing well that advice she gives could make you wanna hide her body in the trunk of your courtesy car. You can't just tell your wife to go home and get a damn job!
 
Engaged guys ($100k-$200k): They are heading towards the same boat as the married guys but THEY really believe that their girl is gonna be different than the OTHER married guys girlfriends. I ve only met one so far that may hold true for, but only time will tell.
 
Single guys with girlfriends ($90k-$150k): This may be the second hardest of all the guys on tour. Why you ask? OK, let's say you're a rookie on TOUR. Fly your girlfriend out - $450; stay in a nice hotel suite for the week - $1500; restaurants, room service and entertainment - $1000; meeting a chick at the tournament that's even better looking and wants to hook up with you at the next event when she's not out with you - PRICELESS! See, every week your girlfriend is not out with you, really hot girls are gonna try and hook up when you're out with the fellas (and most caddies will not help the situation as they're trying to hook up with her good looking friend) and you have to behave because she's gonna call and ask how your days been and if she hears girls or a bar atmosphere in the backround, well you better have a jewelers that delivers on speed dial. Or maybe you kept that other girls number!
 
Single and ready to mingle!! ($80k-$130k) The hardest thing for a single guy out on TOUR is remembering to play golf. So many distractions - and not just girls; club manufactures, clothing reps, and even other guys who've been out for a while. It is so hard to remember what got you out on TOUR when everyone and they're mom is telling you that your poop doesn t stink anymore and you are gonna get to try the newest, secret, shaft, club, ball, putter, blah, blah, blah. And yes the women. WELCOME TO THE BUFFET!!!!
 
You know what? Even at the bottom - even if you only last a year out on tour - it was still a great ride!
 
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    Storms halt Barbasol before Lincicome tees off

    By Associated PressJuly 20, 2018, 11:29 pm

    NICHOLASVILLE, Ky. - Brittany Lincicome will have to wait until the weekend to resume her bid to make the cut in a PGA Tour event.

    Overnight storms delayed the start of the second round Friday in the Barbasol Championship, and an afternoon thunderstorm suspended competition for good. The round will resume Saturday morning with much of the field still to play.

    The second stoppage at Champions Trace at Keene Trace Golf Club came 20 minutes before Lincicome's scheduled tee time.

    Lincicome was near the bottom of the field after opening with a 6-over 78 on Thursday. The first LPGA player since Michelle Wie in 2008 to start a PGA Tour event, she needs a huge rebound to join Babe Zaharias (1945) as the only female players to make the cut.

    Troy Merritt had the clubhouse lead at 15 under, following an opening 62 with a 67.

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    Third-round tee times for the 147th Open

    By Golf Channel DigitalJuly 20, 2018, 9:05 pm

    CARNOUSTIE, Scotland – Eighteen major champions made the cut at The Open and will be playing the weekend at Carnoustie, including 60-year-old ageless wonder Bernhard Langer, and both major champs so far this year, Patrick Reed and Brooks Koepka.

    Twenty-four-year-old Gavin Green will be first off solo Saturday at 4:15 a.m. ET. Reed and Rhys Enoch will follow along 10 minutes later.


    Full-field scores from the 147th Open Championship

    Full coverage of the 147th Open Championship


    Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods, both at even par for the tournament, six shots behind leaders Zach Johnson and Kevin Kisner, are in consecutive groups. Mickelson is playing with Austin Cook at 8:05 a.m. and Woods is with South Africa’s Shaun Norris at 8:15 a.m.

    Jordan Spieth and Rickie Fowler, both three shots off the lead, are also in consecutive groups. Fowler is at 10 a.m. with Thorbjorn Olesen and Spieth is 10 minutes later with Kevin Chappell. Rory McIlroy, looking to win his first major since the 2014 PGA Championship, is at 10:40 a.m. with Xander Schauffele. McIlroy is two shots behind.

    Johnson and Kisner are last off at 11 a.m.

    4:15AM ET: Gavin Green

    4:25AM ET: Rhys Enoch, Patrick Reed

    4:35AM ET: Kiradech Aphibarnrat, Justin Rose

    4:45AM ET: Yusaku Miyazato, Tyrrell Hatton

    4:55AM ET: Ross Fisher, Keegan Bradley

    5:05AM ET: Ryan Fox, Jason Dufner

    5:15AM ET: Bryson DeChambeau, Henrik Stenson

    5:25AM ET: Tom Lewis, Sam Locke (a)

    5:35AM ET: Paul Casey, Chris Wood

    5:45AM ET: Bernhard Langer, Rafa Cabrera Bello

    6:00AM ET: Paul Dunne, Brett Rumford

    6:10AM ET: Masahiro Kawamura, Shubhankar Sharma

    6:20AM ET: Cameron Smith, Brendan Steele

    6:30AM ET: Marc Leishman, Lee Westwood

    6:40AM ET: Byeong Hun An, Kevin Na

    6:50AM ET: Julian Suri, Adam Hadwin

    7:00AM ET: Gary Woodland, Si-Woo Kim

    7:10AM ET: Yuta Ikeda, Satoshi Kodaira

    7:20AM ET: Marcus Kinhult, Thomas Pieters

    7:30AM ET: Beau Hossler, Haotong Li

    7:45AM ET: Cameron Davis, Sean Crocker

    7:55AM ET: Louis Oosthuizen, Stewart Cink

    8:05AM ET: Phil Mickeslon, Austin Cook

    8:15AM ET: Tiger Woods, Shaun Norris

    8:25AM ET: Lucas Herbert, Michael Kim

    8:35AM ET: Jason Day, Francesco Molinari

    8:45AM ET: Sung Kang, Webb Simpson

    8:55AM ET: Patrick Cantlay, Eddie Pepperell

    9:05AM ET: Matthew Southgate, Brooks Koepka

    9:15AM ET: Kyle Stanley, Adam Scott

    9:30AM ET: Charley Hoffman, Alex Noren

    9:40AM ET: Ryan Moore, Brandon Stone

    9:50AM ET: Luke List, Danny Willett

    10:00AM ET: Thorbjorn Olesen, Rickie Fowler

    10:10AM ET: Jordan Spieth, Kevin Chappell

    10:20AM ET: Zander Lombard, Tony Finau

    10:30AM ET: Matt Kuchar, Erik Van Rooyen

    10:40AM ET: Rory McIlroy, Xander Schauffele

    10:50AM ET: Pat Perez, Tommy Fleetwood

    11:00AM ET: Kevin Kisner, Zach Johnson

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    Facial hair Fowler's new good-luck charm

    By Rex HoggardJuly 20, 2018, 8:12 pm

    CARNOUSTIE, Scotland – Before, during and after the Fourth of July, Rickie Fowler missed a few appointments with his razor.

    He arrived in the United Kingdom for last week’s Scottish Open still unshaved and he tied for sixth place. Fowler, like most golfers, can give in to superstition, so he's decided to keep the caveman look going for this week’s Open Championship.

    “There could be some variations,” he smiled following his round on Friday at Carnoustie.


    Full-field scores from the 147th Open Championship

    Full coverage of the 147th Open Championship


    At this rate, he may never shave again. Fowler followed an opening 70 with a 69 on Friday to move into a tie for 11th place, just three strokes off the lead.

    Fowler also has some friendly competition in the beard department, with his roommate this week Justin Thomas also going for the rugged look.

    “I think he kind of followed my lead in a way. I think he ended up at home, and he had a little bit of scruff going. It's just fun,” Fowler said. “We mess around with it. Obviously, not taking it too seriously. But like I said, ended up playing halfway decent last week, so I couldn't really shave it off going into this week.”

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    Spieth (67) rebounds from tough Round 1 finish

    By Ryan LavnerJuly 20, 2018, 7:55 pm

    CARNOUSTIE, Scotland – Guess whose putter is starting to heat up again at a major?

    Even with a few wayward shots Friday at Carnoustie, Jordan Spieth made a significant climb up the leaderboard in the second round, firing a 4-under 67 to move just three shots off the lead.

    Spieth showed his trademark grit in bouncing back from a rough finish Thursday, when he mis-clubbed on the 15th hole, leading to a double bogey, and ended up playing the last four holes in 4 over.

    “I don’t know if I actually regrouped,” he said. “It more kind of fires me up a little.”


    Full-field scores from the 147th Open Championship

    Full coverage of the 147th Open Championship


    Spieth missed more than half of his fairways in the second round, but he was able to play his approach shots from the proper side of the hole. Sure, he “stole a few,” particularly with unlikely birdies on Nos. 10 and 11 after errant drives, but he took advantage and put himself in position to defend his claret jug.

    Spieth needed only 25 putts in the second round, and he credited a post-round adjustment Thursday for the improvement. The tweak allows his arms to do more of the work in his stroke, and he said he felt more confident on the greens.

    “It’s come a long way in the last few months, no doubt,” he said.

    More than anything, Spieth was relieved not to have to play “cut-line golf” on Friday, like he’s done each start since his spirited run at the Masters.

    “I know that my swing isn’t exactly where I want it to be; it’s nowhere near where it was at Birkdale,” he said. “But the short game is on point, and the swing is working in the right direction to get the confidence back.”