That's entertainment! The Nick & Johnny Show


Back-and-forth quotes between analysts Johnny Miller and Nick Faldo during the first two rounds at the Hyundai Tournament of Champions on Golf Channel:

Dan Hicks: Pretty civilized start between you guys.

Nick Faldo: We’re just warming up.

Johnny Miller: Sort of like the first round, just a few little taps.

Faldo: Yep, just feeling it out.

On being inducted into the Hall of Fame together:

Miller: It was very exciting. Every player was there, and that has never happened before. So we were really lucky. And we both got the 75% vote, which hasn’t happened very often since then.

Faldo:  He knows his stats. What does 75% vote mean?

Miller: Well, it means they thought you were pretty good.

Miller: When they built this course, they built it to handle wind. Big greens, big fairways, like the 18th hole has a 90-yard wide fairway, so you can sort of bomb it around on a lot of the holes.

Faldo (shaking his head): See, he is exaggerating already ...  (it's) 74.

Miller: I walked it this morning.

Faldo: I’ve got 74 and you’ve got 90.

Miller: Well you’ve got those little short English legs.

Hicks: Just a taste folks. It’s going to be a long ride.

On Keegan Bradley teeing off at 18:

Mark Rolfing: He is looking at the chimneys. See the clubhouse there in the distance? There are two chimneys. The line is the chimney on the right. That is exactly where he is looking. 

Faldo: Mark, what did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

Miller: Oh, here we go, this English humor.

Faldo: You are a little too young to smoke.

Rolfing: Johnny are you laughing at him or with him?

Miller: I was thinking I was back in elementary school, I wasn’t sure.

Faldo: Gotta entertain the children.

On watching surfers in the ocean:

Miller: Would you like to be that guy?

Faldo: I’d like to be able to do that. That is pretty darn cool.

Miller: Would you give up one of your Masters titles for that?

Faldo: Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.

On the Hyundai Tournament of Champions:

Hicks: If you don’t get off to a good start, you have this beautiful surf behind you. People with their families over here. It is an interesting mix of pleasure and business.

Miller: Well let’s put it this way. There’s not too many players without their wives or family. If they left them home, there is a little problem, I think.

Faldo: Marriage guidance by Johnny Miller.

In the broadcast booth:

Hicks: You know, you (Nick) are rubbing off on Johnny here. As the golf broadcast season goes on here, you might hear traces of some Nick-isms in Johnny’s vernacular.

Faldo: I’ll have him talking English by the time we are finished this week.

Hicks: Johnny has his own language.

Miller: That’s right, I’ve got my own way of doing things.

Faldo: Really?

Miller: I have about 50 swear words that are not swear words.

Faldo: That’s useful.

On Nick and Johnny shooting 63’s in a major:

Faldo: At least we’ve shot 63, Johnny, in majors, so that’s alright.

Miller: Yeah, that’s true.

Faldo: We just don’t want anybody to shoot a 62 in a major, we want to just keep that record.

Miller: Nah, I don’t care.

Faldo: Really?

Miller: You can have it.

Faldo: Oh, no, I want to keep that one.