The Social: Speaking the language of love

Dustin Johnson and Paulina Gretzky get a dog (and another kid!), Tiger Woods continues to be social media fodder, Jordan Spieth tries to speak Japanese, John Daly violates one of two standing orders in this platoon, and someone genuinely doesn’t know who Phil Collins is. All that and more in this week’s edition of The Social.

Congratulations are in order for the rapidly growing Gretzky-Johnson clan. The new world No. 1 and his fiancée announced the addition of two new family members this week.

Up first, Perla the French bulldog:

Of course, Perla’s introduction was a mere prelude to the news that DJ and Paulina have Baby No. 2 on the way:

Reminder that Tatum and Baby Johnson No. 2’s dad is this guy:

And their grandfather is this guy:

How good does your life have to be to not willingly switch places with the unborn child? Now, how about with the dog?

Tiger Woods not only proved unable to play the Genesis Open, but also unable to sit down for a news conference or even attend the trophy presentation.

With guys like DJ, Jason Day, Jordan Spieth, Rory McIlroy, Justin Thomas, Rickie Fowler, Jon Rahm and even our friend Hideki Matsuyama rising in status and popularity, the perpetually injured Woods is becoming increasingly irrelevant to golf’s larger narrative. No longer the main event, Woods feels like a sideshow.

Scrolling through Twitter for Tiger updates is getting to be like John McEnroe and Larry David flipping through the freak book (Google it with caution). “Saturday Night Live” should have Melissa McCarthy doing quick-changes from Sean Spicer to Mark Steinberg.

Luckily, one loyal Tiger Tracker follower seems to have a lead on Woods’ whereabouts:

Not that we need much motivation to bring it back, but here’s Woods as Mac Daddy Santa from exactly two months ago.

Oh man, those halcyon days of late Dec. 2016. Tiger was coming off an encouraging performance at the Hero, Ben Affleck was still directing “The Batman”, not enough time had passed for it to be apparently OK to spoil the plot of “Arrival”, DeMarcus Cousins was still a King, and Jahlil Okafor was still a 76er (crap, still waiting).

The point is, we were all so young and optimistic!

Alas, now we’re trying resurrect Tiger a la Tupac:

#AllEyezOnT.

You can take the boy out of Texas ...

Jordan Spieth recently visited Tokyo, Japan to promote the release of his first signature golf shoe, the Spieth One by Under Armour.

And as this video uploaded two days ago to Instagram shows, he also tried his hand at speaking the language with, let’s say, mixed results:

Well done, Jordan. Want to try a whiskey ad next?

To the chagrin of countless millions around the world, Rickie Fowler did not have a Valentine this year.

So, he claimed his sister instead:

As we contemplate the multitude of ways Rickie Fowler being “alone” is different from the rest of us being “alone,” let’s also contemplate the apparently fabulous life of musician Kelley James, who was shouted out in that Instagram caption and evidently spent his week hanging with Bubba Watson:

Playing Brentwood Country Club:

Dining with Beef:

And chilling at Riv:

While we’re discussing Brentwood and Riv, this Aug. 1995 article from the Orlando Sentinel’s coverage of the PGA Championship claims that while O.J. Simpson was in imprisoned and in the midst of the Trial of the Century, the members at Riviera put fake scores into the computer system lowering Simpson from a 12 to a 4 handicap.

You may remember John Daly’s putter somehow finding its way into a lake shortly before he withdrew from the Allianz Championship last week:

Daly would later claim that the drowned flatstick was was the accidental result of him trying to toss the club to his caddie. ''If I throw a putter, it’s going to be in two pieces, not one,’' Daly told the Associated Press. ''And it’s going to be 50 yards in the lake, not 5.’'

However it happened, Daly found himself in a water hazard this weekend at the Chubb Classic and decided with two holes remaining not to take off his shoes and socks.

Lieutenant Dan would like a word, John: