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Golf fans say the darndest things

Waste Management Phoenix Open 16th hole
Getty Images

It's quiet ... almost too quiet. Actually it's perfect. With no fans on the course today at Congressional, we've been robbed of our weekly unimaginative and ridiculous things fans scream while watching golf. Gone are the days of fans yelling 'Get in the hole!' at Tiger as he tees off on a par 5. Well, they are still yelling that, but the new breed of golf fan has taken a liking to screaming out absurd and nonsensical things.

This trend has been growing for years now but nowhere has the problem been more evident than at the U.S. Open earlier this month, where the fans were, how shall we say “special”. So we can either ignore this problem as it continues to grow, or acknowledge and rehash these as they undoubtedly get louder and more obnoxious anyway. I choose the latter. Seems like more fun.

Mashed Potatoes!

Sorry dude, but yelling out random items of food to be funny began and ended with the Chazz Reinhold era in 'Wedding Crashers'. It was about three minutes long. So, as in just about every other aspect of life, it's Will Ferrell – 1, you – 0. Please stop embarrassing yourself. Ma! The meatloaf! We want it now!

Filet mignon! Medium rare!

We're going tag team now? One guy isn't enough to yell unfunny things? Only thing positive I can say about this shout-out is at least they gave good advice on how to cook steak.

5 Hour-Energy!

Mr. Furyk, I applaud your dedication to 5-Hour Energy. But if you're going to continue to dress like a NASCAR with two legs, can you at least get your fans to stop shouting your sponsor at the top of their lungs? I don't think that's asking too much.

Yeah playa!

Took on a whole new meaning post fire hydrant.

Baba Booey!

Apparently the Howard Stern producer has found the secret to staying relevant, or as relevant as he's ever been. Just simply follow around Graeme McDowell and yell out your own name whenever he putts.


Have to admit this one did make me chuckle, but only because of how good of a Chewbacca noise that was, it was flawless. I'm envious, probably about as envious as this guy is of anyone who's ever had a date or who doesn't live in their mom's basement. (Side note: If you have any quarrels with how to spell Chewbacca's signature growl, take it up with the Google machine, that's who I consulted.)

Yabba dabba doo!

It's common knowledge that Fred Flintstone loved his golf. You know what he doesn't love, people yelling in his backswing. If you want to yell 'Yabba dabba doo' at 5 o'clock on a Friday after a long week at the office, go for it. Your colleagues will probably look at you funny, but that's what the catchphrase was intended for. But please, leave that stuff at the office where it's accepted. The golf course is a place to escape our crazy coworkers.

So, next time you find yourself at a golf tournament thinking about how your voice is going to make it as the next big viral hit, try going against the grain and not saying anything. It's actually way easier to watch golf that way, for the guy screaming, and for the people covering their ears. As we are all witnessing on this lovely Saturday at Congressional.