Bartender Scootdog: 'Do you like watching match play or stroke play, Professor Golf Guy?'
Golf Guy: 'Good question Scootdog. Without getting waaaaaay into this topic, I perfer stroke play. Granted, there are certain aspects of match play that may turn out to be awesome, but ultimately, stroke play is the best format for TV.'
Scootdog: 'Does The Ryder Cup ring a bell, you dumb, silly fool?'
Golf Guy: 'Does shutting up and getting me another drink ring a bell, Scootdog? The reason I enjoy stroke play is because it usually comes down to the 72nd hole of an event. Anything can happen. And a lot of times it does. As far as the Ryder Cup, yes, it's an absolutely wonderful event in which the match play format works to perfection – a team event.
Scootdog: 'The Ryder Cup is easily the best, most exciting event in golf. How you could argue against that is beyond me.'
Golf Guy: 'Scoot, you know I love you, but please, just keep it zipped. If it were reversed and most events were match play formats, do you understand how many Sunday afternoons would end at the 15th hole with an hour of coverage left? I want my 72 holes of satisfaction. Plus, I like having more players on the leaderboard and in the mix.'
Scootdog: 'Do you understand that I'm cutting you off right now and you will be silenced?'
Golf Guy: 'But wait ... '
'Where are we going? Well, first, we are flying home from The Players Championship and once we land in Europe, we will be heading over to Lee Westwood's house to wrestle the world No. 1 ranking from him. Cheeky bastard decided not to play in the Players and somehow kept his No. 1 spot in the world rankings.'
In honor of the much anticipated movie 'The Hangover Part II' coming out next week, the Golf Guy gives you not just one, but two completely useless, non-golf related Top-3 lists:
Top-3 movie snacks:
1. Sugar Babies (birdie). Not even sure what they actually taste like - and pretty sure they will one day take out one of my fillings, but I love me a couple of Sugar Babies when watching a movie.
2. Hot Tamales (birdie). My mouth can't handle spicy food, yet I can't seem to get enough of these little fireballs during a movie. Seeing as I have a rule against drinking rum during movies, I counter-act the heat with a free cup of ice water and the following...
3. Malted milk balls (eagle). Oh yes, a movie snack classic. I send my father a tub of these sum bitches every Father's Day, for his birthday and for Christmas. Like father, like son, the malted milk balls don't even last through one phone conversation.
And with that, my Top-3 all-time movies (with videos describing the hilarity instead of myself):
2. Raising Arizona. 'Unless round is funny...'
3. Animal House. 'Was it over when the German's bombed Pearl Harbor...?'
Honorable mention: Caddyshack; Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy; Shawshank; Love, Actually (yes, I'm a softie); No Escape (Ray Liotta – 1994); Goodfellas; Groundhog Day (the movie I've watch the most - over 100 times?); The Birdcage; Wedding Crashers; Annie Hall; Dances with Wolves; Gladiator; Crash; Sideways (golf scenes!); On Golden Pond.
'Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.' – Ben Hogan (five-time winner at this week's Colonial), apparently conjuring up his inner-George Costanza, with some thoughts about the the golf swing.
Talk about ill-timing: David Toms hadn't missed a putt inside of 5 feet all week at The Players untill ... gag ... his miss at the first playoff hole. Which raises the question: Should he have just missed the great putt on the 72nd hole to avoid the embarrassment on 17 in the playoff? Oh calm down, I love to kid Les Miles' LSU boy. ... The Players Championship was the fourth tournament in a row on the PGA Tour to go into a playoff. Somewhere, Jim Mora's wife is freaking out. ... Dirk Nowitzki went 24 for 24 from the free throw line in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. I can't even go 1-1 when standing at a urinal. Bernhard Langer would be proud.