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Mens golf fashion donts

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After such a strong response to my new rules for golf blog from last week – in particular from Brian Katrek and his considerable radio audience on XM/Sirius – I have decided to compile another new set of rules. This time my focus will be on men's golf fashion. Having been the inspiration behind a failed golf fashion startup I think it’s safe to say this is my area of expertise.

Before getting into my list of fashions don’ts I’d like to make a few statements that summarize the overall Charlie Rymer golf fashion philosophy:

First, on sizing: Men's golf apparel can never be too big. It can only be too small. There should be no “athletic cut” in golf. Leave that to ballroom dancing or bobsledding. Golf shirt sleeves should come down at least to the elbows and the cut should be generous through the shoulders and also very long.

If you want to show off your 'guns' head to the gym in a tank top, not to the links in a shirt that is two sizes too small. And there is nothing worse than having a golf shirt coming un-tucked during a golf swing. For coordinating outfits the goal should be to not look like your wife or girlfriend picked it out for you. You can match, but it should look like you didn't put a great deal of thought into it. If you have to accessorize, do it with a cool alligator belt. Don't spend very much time ironing. Chase a few wrinkles out of your shirt and shorts but don't look like you spent the morning at the ironing board. In summary, the main idea is to look 'decent' without looking like you spend half of your waking hours on wardrobe planning.

Below is my list of men's golf fashion don'ts. Feel free to add on or leave comments.

No. 1 – Never wear a towel in your back pocket (fine for bowling, but golf ain't bowling)
No. 2 – If your waist is bigger than 34 inches don't even think about a white belt (think 'Michelin Man')
No. 3 – No short socks (real golfers don't worry about tan lines)
No. 4 – No black socks with shorts (unless you live in New Jersey)
No. 5 – No short shorts (nobody wants to see your danglers as you sit spread legged in a golf cart)
No. 6 – No black gloves (unless you plan on moving some furniture during your round)
No. 7 – No skinny visors (save those for softball games)
No. 8 – No divot repair tools (tees work just fine)
No. 9 – Black shoes are always OK, even after Easter
No. 10 – Tennis shoes are OK (soft spikes don't work anyway, unless you own the course and have hardwood flooring or cheap carpet)